Tears..

So tonight i cried. I've cried alot this last year or so, but i have been holding back tears for some time now. I don't think that i ever really allowed myself to cry all the tears that have been inside of me and tonight they overflowed. I wasn't angry! I have moved on and i am happy and God is blessing my family. But there is a saddness so deep inside of me that has been building. So much loss has happened this last year in my life. Some of it could not have been helped and only God could have changed it but allowed it to be. Others i think God was sad and dissapointed because it was not his plan. But i believe that ultimate plan for my life has not changed, just the immediate path has been diverted a bit. I have continued to be strong through it all for my family, my sons and my husand. But i guess there comes a moment when even i must break. I love my family but changes have happened and what once was will never be again and i am hurt that people are so unaware of what they have broken. But i also know that God will rebuild something bigger and stronger and it is in brokeness that God becomes stronger in my life and good will come from this. I know that everything is gonna be alright. God is in control and he knows what he's doing..But sometimes it's ok to cry.

I am Loved!!!

Just because he loves me my husband brought me home flowers today. He said he saw the bright pink flowers and thought of me and just had to get them..How sweet.They are the most beautiful bright pink i have ever seen..

oh yeah 2-5 days and we get a response on our bid...Pray they accept..

In Loving Memory

Today Bryce would have been 3 years old. It doesn't feel like it has really been as long as it has since we lost him. Really there are times that it feels like it was just yesterday and my heart hurts just as bad. I know that God has a plan and that he has brought so much good out of this but a part of me wishes that we could have just had the good and been able to keep him here with us. In a few months from now there will be a new baby to fill some of the hole that he left behind but no one will ever take his place and we will always love him and never forget his smile.

Happy Birthday Bryce..We Love you!

Moving!! Making a Bid...Need Prayer

So we went out looking for our new home yesterday and we found one that we fell in love with of course. So today we are going to put in a bid in faith and hopefully all will work out. We are hoping and praying for the best. It is all that i could ever hope and ask for and i am completely in love with it. Pray Pray Pray that All will work out ok...

Forgiven!

Be Gentle and Ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others

Colossi ans 3:13

So Sunday we went to our New Church again. Michael went to Children's church and Gabriel to the class for 2-4 year olds. There was a different teacher then the previous Sunday and we wanted to warn her that he had gotten into some water last Sunday and that he was sneaky and you just had to watch him. She said "Oh, He's the one." She had heard about the kid that took a shower the week before. Yep that's my kid. But we made it through the whole service this time with no problems and Michael loved children's church.

So anyway! Service was great. Pastor Cooper drug us to the front and we sat right on the front row dead center of the church. I was a nervous wreck. But in the end i was so happy we were there. I just might steal that seat every Sunday. When it was time for Pastor Garland to Preach i was so happy that i was front and center to listen. He spoke about using our spiritual gifts, using them in the right way, not being out of order and then went on to talk about love and forgiveness. Basically if you have unforgiveness in your heart then you are not loving, and if you have no love then all you do for God is in vain. Now this is so Basic. But it is the way that he preaches that makes someone who has been in church all their life, heard it all, say to themselves, "ah ha, now i really get it". He brings out things in scripture and puts things in such away that makes so much since and things i never would have seen. He said "You haven't forgiven someone if you are still thinking of what they have done. If you can list, i have forgiven them for this and this, then your really haven't forgiven them." Wow! It was such a good message that i bought a recorded copy of it so that i can listen to it again and really get all that i can from it. I know that under his care i am going to grow so much because i have already this last two weeks and i am so excited for what is to come. I have alot of things inside of me that i know that i know that i need to work out and now i feel confident in being able to do that in the right way.

"If i, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash each others feet. I did this as an example so that you should do as i have done for you" (John 13:14-15)

Jesus washed feet for two reasons. First off to give us mercy, and the second to show us what we are to also do for others. The mercy of Christ forgets our mistakes, and that is what we are to do for others. People who know Christ have no doubt about his love, and the people who know us should have no doubt about ours. Relationships don't thrive because the Guilty are punished but because the innocent are merciful and forgiving.

Forgive me. I Forgive you!

Looking through the eyes of Jesus,

Mandy

New Beginings!

So Sunday was a new Begining for our Family. We attended the third service at His light on the Hill in Sun City. It was a surprisingly short drive to get there, it was weird to think that it has been there right around the corner all along. The last month or so things have been coming together and this church has just been right there. Rich has ran into several people from the church asking us to come and visit sometime. My mother and i attended a Womens in ministry conferance with the Ag women at the teen Challenge Castle and who sat by us at lunch, The women from His light. Looking back on these last few weeks i see know that God knew what he was doing and knew that it would be hard for us to start over and was helping us to move on.
Sunday was rather emmotional for me still. Richard had to take Gabriel to the Nursery because i was almost in tears just thiking of it. Michael was upset because it was a strange new place. He told me "Mama, i wish we could just go back to our church. I wish we could go there forever. These people are strangers." I couldn't hold back the hurt and tears as i sat there in a new church lobby trying to explain to my son that it would be ok and that these people wouldn't be strangers once we got to know them and that it would be alright, even though deep inside my heart was screaming the same thing and i didn't completely believe it myself. But we Got them to their classes and found a seat in the big church ourselves. At first it was too hard to concentrate because of all the emmotions inside me. I was angry of course that my son would have to feel that way and that what he had always known had been ripped away from him so carelessly on the part of others who could care less about him or his little heart. But then i realized that this was necessary because i was saving my son from a life that i had lived and knew that i wanted something more for him. My children deserve so much more then the same old thing every generation. I can see our future here and i am already excited for what is to come. This church has so much to offer my family and we can grow here together as a family. The Pastor is wonderful and for the first time in a long time i was able to relax, breathe, and enjoy a message and recieve from it and i feel as though i grew so much in just that one service. It was Basic but true, to the point and honest, but exactly what everyone needs to know and here. He spoke about letting God Speak to us. I know that sometimes things get so hectic at times that i am guilty of not listening and not letting God speak to me. I am ready to Listen now and i am excited for what is to come.
Change is scary but it is Good and it is needed. Sometimes we get stuck in the same old routine that we fail to hear from God because we believe that we are already doing all that he has for us to do. But i know that God has so much more for us if we would just listen and trust in him.

The Baddness in us.

Isn't it funny the lessons we learn from our kids. They see things so simple. Especially when it comes to the things of God. Michael came up to me just now and said "Hey mom i gotta tell you something" He was holding a sword and he said this is the Strength of God. He said "Jesus loves us. The baddness took our hearts and jesus, with the strength of god took the baddness out and put our hearts back in here" He said this as is patted his chest. "Right mom, Jesus loves us and he put out hearts back right" Sometimes the Baddness trys to creep into our lives and our hearts and even our minds and God takes it out and puts our clean heart back in. It's funny how this is so hard for us to grasp at times and a 5 year old see's it so clearly. He's always reminding me how much Jesus loves us and how Strong he his. I'm glad because sometimes life gets so hectic that i tend to forget that.

He reminded me today so i thought i would remind you.
Jesus loves you.